You meet someone on line. Then you text. Then you meet for coffee. But why do so many of these possible lovers turn into duds?
Maybe it is because what is presented online is not who the person really is. Or maybe it is because spending so much time with people online leaves no time to build relationship skills.
So, what should you look for offline in a possible partner? And how do you best present yourself offline?
To find the partner you really want, make a list of the qualities of that person that you feel are important for a good relationship. Then prioritize these qualities. The first three priorities will then become what you will look for in online descriptions and what you will try to ascertain during your first offline visit. If one or more of your first three priorities are not listed in that person’s online description, move on. A person who really has those qualities will list them rather than just presenting superficial desirable qualities.
Or, if it seems that none of the online descriptions contains your priorities, you need to move offline. Offline places to meet possible partners are: meetup groups (meetup.com), volunteering sites, universities.
Now you are having that first meeting with a potential partner. How do you present yourself? Do you have the relationship skills to succeed?
Everyone wants someone who is a good listener. Instead of focusing on the anxiety you feel about this first meeting, focus on the other person. Listen to what that person is saying and show you listened by repeating back a snippet of what was said. All you really need to do during the first meeting is listen because listening is the number one relationship skill.
You might also want to assess how good of a listener the other person is. Since two people showing they are really listening to each other could be the start of a loving relationship.
(To find out more ways to meet a potential partner read Love Demystified: Strategies for a Successful Love Life by Beverly B. Palmer, Ph.D.)