Five Ways You Know You Have Found Your Soulmate

soulmates-and-life-partners

Basically, a soulmate is supportive and makes you feel comfortable.

  1. A soulmate listens to you deeply and you feel instantly understood. Being deeply listened to without the other person listening only for how they need to respond is a rarity in relationships.  Yet the other person acknowledging an understanding of the message you are sending makes you feel intimately connected to that person.
  2. A soulmate brings out the best in you and accepts you just the way you are. You feel like you can be totally open and honest with your soulmate because, no matter what you say, you will still be accepted as a person.
  3. When you are interacting with a soulmate you notice the similarities you share. You may have similar values, interests, goals.  Or you may have a subconscious connection.  Your soulmate may be similar to someone else who was important in your life who was also nurturing and accepting.  So you feel comfortable when with your soulmate.
  4. Your soulmate has your back. It is the two of you against the world—well, maybe just against a common foe or issue.  You feel supported in your struggles.
  5. A soulmate feels like that is your missing piece; you feel completed when you are with your soulmate.

Feeling understood and completed with your soulmate does have its downside.  You may feel you are incomplete without your soulmate and not able to function as well without that person.  You may start yearning for the next time the two of you will be together.  Or you may anxiously await the next text message.

You may begin to depend on your soulmate to meet your needs—your need for appreciation, for self-esteem, for comradeship.  If either you or your soulmate changes in terms of these needs, you can feel lost, not needed, or not needing.

 

What Makes Love Last?

Bev and Dick 2017 (3)

As my husband and I are celebrating our 50th wedding anniversary I started to wonder what has caused not just our relationship but our love to last.

 The number one ingredient has been acceptance, which comes from not criticizing each other and valuing each other’s uniqueness. 

The second ingredient is being able to empathize and telling each other that we do understand the other’s perspective.

The third ingredient is letting each other know, every day in many different ways, how much we appreciate each other.

Of course, it probably helped that we also have some qualities in common, a curious intellect and an adventurous spirit.  And we learned the importance of acceptance, empathy, and appreciation early in our relationship.

“Well”, you may ask, “are those ingredients unique to my relationship or is there some scientific evidence that supports their importance in any loving relationship?”  The first two ingredients were demonstrated in the research of Carl Rogers.1   Appreciation, or gratitude, also has been shown to help love last.2

 

  1. Rogers, C. R. (1961). On becoming a person Boston. MA: Houghton Mifflin, pp. 342-344.
  2. Algoe, S. B., Haidt, J., & Gable, S. L. (2008). Beyond reciprocity: Gratitude and relationships in everyday life. Emotion, 8, 425–429.