How to Stay Connected on Valentine’s Day

With Valentine’s Day Approaching, Try These Tips To Make This Day A Special One.

Does Valentine’s Day make you wish you had someone to love (and to love you)? Don’t despair—there are ways to dispel loneliness during the Valentine’s Day hype, and help get you out doing something you enjoy. When you are deeply involved in an activity with other people you have a common goal and interests that connect you. Frequent exposure to others increases their liking of you, so besides having an enjoyable time, you might find a new love by engaging in some of the following suggestions from Beverly B. Palmer, Ph.D., professor and clinical psychologist.

  • Volunteer

Think about who you would get the most satisfaction from helping.  Would it be children, the homeless, migrants, senior citizens?  Then, search online for where you might be most needed. VolunteerMatch.organd CreateTheGood.org are two sites that list volunteer opportunities in your community. Not only would you be making a positive change, you would be meeting others with similar values.

  • Foster or Adopt a Pet

You may find a pet to be a loving companion. A cat can give you comfort as it curls up on your lap, while a dog will get you out of your house on a daily basis where you will meet neighbors and other doggie lovers at the park. You then instantly have something in common with those around you and something to talk about. Petting a dog or cat releases the “love hormone”, oxytocin, in both the person’s and pet’s brains, according to a group of Swedish researchers.  Oxytocin creates a feeling of being loved and insures a strong bond, so your pet can help you feel less lonely.  Contact your local pet adoption group or borrow a friend’s pet before taking the plunge.

  • Join a Special Interest Group

If you have a hobby you could join a group of people who share that interest. Every city has an abundance of special interest groups, professional association functions, alumni events, and civic organization meetings. Find group activities on websites such as meetup.com. These may involve hiking, cooking, developing a new skill, discussing a topic, or participating in a sport.

  • Sign up for a Course or Fitness Center’s Program

If you have a regularly scheduled event where you are with other people, you already have a way not to be lonely during the upcoming Valentine’s Day.  Seek out adult classes that interest you at your local university, or join a gym.  Both men and women are attracted to the other’s sweat, reports a Swiss study, which explains why health clubs are such popular hunting grounds! Don’t forget to reach out and connect to others by asking for advice or noticing when someone needs help.  Don’t wait for someone to find you—smile and start talking with someone who is engaged in the activity with you.

  • Read a Good Book

Visit your library or bookstore. Selecting a book from browsing the shelves gives you an opportunity to interact with others before going home to read. Escape to another world through an engrossing fiction.  Learn something new through a helpful nonfiction book, such as Love Demystified: Strategies for a Successful Love Life, which will give you even more suggestions on how to avoid the Valentine’s Day blues.

The Science Behind Why We Find Certain People Attractive

Five Ways Not to Be Lonely on Valentine’s Day

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Does the upcoming Valentine’s Day make you wish you had someone to love (and to love you)?  Do you miss a loved one?  Or do you just feel lonely?

Don’t despair—there are ways to feel less lonely during all the Valentine’s Day hype. 

Perhaps you have tried interacting with others on your smartphone or even with an online group. But recent studies have shown that we become even lonelier during screen time because it does not provide the meaningful, deep connection with others that we long for. 

To dispel loneliness get out of your house and get involved with an activity you like.  Besides having an enjoyable time, you might even find a new acquaintance, friend, lover.  Don’t wait for someone to find you—smile and start talking with someone nearby while engaged in the following activities.

Volunteer

               Think about who you would get the most satisfaction from helping.  Would it be children, teenagers, adults in special circumstances, senior citizens?  Then do an online search for where you might be most needed.  The search terms would be the name of your city and the word, “volunteer”.  Or, you can make the search more specific, by adding the name of the group you would like to help (e.g. homeless, migrants, special needs, hospitalized). VolunteerMatch.com and CreateTheGood.com are two sites that list volunteer opportunities in your local community.  Not only would you be making a positive change in your community, you would be meeting people who are also volunteering.

Foster or Adopt a Pet

                You may find a loving pet to be a loving companion.  A cat can give you warm, soft comfort as it curls up on your lap. A dog might even get you out of your house on a daily basis, where you might meet some of your neighbors.  Or you and your dog might meet other doggie lovers at a doggie park. Contact your local pet adoption group to foster or adopt a pet.

Join a Special Interest Group

                If you have a hobby or special area of interest, you could join a group of people who share that interest. Every city has an abundance of special interest groups.  Find one at meetup.com.  Some of the meetups in your city involve hiking, cooking, developing a new skill, discussing a topic, and participating in a sport.

Sign up for a Course or a Fitness Center’s Program

                If you have a regularly scheduled event where you are with other people, you already have a way not to be lonely during the upcoming Valentine’s Day.  Find classes at your local adult schools or universities that might interest you.  Join a fitness center.  And don’t forget to reach out to others by maybe asking for help with something.

Read a Good Book

                Visit your local library or bookstore. Selecting a book from browsing the shelves will give you an opportunity to interact with others before going home to read that book.  Escape to another world through an engrossing fiction book.  Learn something new through a helpful nonfiction book. One nonfiction book, Love Demystified: Strategies for a Successful Love Life, will give you even more suggestions on how to dispel the Valentine’s Day blues.

Free Love Demystified Workbook

Front Cover 2

Starting June 29 and continuing through July 3 you can get the Kindle version of this workbook FREE.  Just click on this link: Free Love Demystified Workbook

This workbook contains more than a dozen questionnaires to assess your current love life.  Respond to these questionnaires to find out where you are now and what you are needing.  You can discover how intimate your current relationship is, how resilient you are, how romantic you are, and how empathetic you are.

Ask your partner to also complete these questionnaires to discover new things about your partner. You and your loved one might then want to share your responses, which can create a deeper intimacy.

From your and your partner’s responses you may find that there are some areas in your love life you want to improve.  Love Demystified: Strategies for a Successful Love Life is a companion to the workbook and gives you tips and techniques to enhance your relationship.  You can purchase it on Amazon as either a Kindle edition or a paperback: Love Demystified Strategies

 

Podcast about Love

Recently I had a fun conversation with Brian Howie on The Great Love Debate.  We debated everything from what to watch out for when dating to how to make love last.  Listen to it here: Making Love Last

Podcast4.

Here’s How a Cluttered Garage Inspired Love

 

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Author and her new book (with an old backstory)

California State University, Dominguez Hills Professor Beverly Palmer and her book, “Love Demystified: Strategies for a Successful Love Life.” 

Thursday, February 22, 2018 8:14 am  http://bit.ly/2oiEHg5

By Mary Jo Hazard Special to The News (Palos Verdes Peninsula News)

In the late 60’s, Beverly Palmer was a doctoral student in the counseling psychology department at Ohio State; she was fascinated by the mystery of love, and she wasn’t alone. Centuries before, Aristotle, Plato, and Shakespeare wrote about the subject, and Oscar Wilde even said, “The mystery of love is greater than the mystery of death.”

Searching for answers to the age-old puzzle, Palmer researched the fields of social psychology, clinical psychology — even philosophy.

Several years later, Palmer and her husband moved to Rancho Palos Verdes, at the time an unincorporated rural area of Los Angeles. She was a full-time professor, teaching graduate and undergraduate classes at California State University, Dominguez Hills and, based on her scientific research, Palmer created and taught a class on love. Eager to share her findings with the general public, she wrote the first draft, “Love Demystified: Strategies for a Successful Love Life.”

 In spite of her enthusiasm for her new project, Palmer was forced to stop working on the manuscript. “Private practice, childcare and teaching, took precedence,” she said.

Palmer was also fighting to save the rural nature of the Palos Verdes Peninsula.

“The Los Angeles Board of Supervisors had jurisdiction over our unincorporated area,” she said. “They wanted to give approval for many high rise apartments and condos to be built along the coast at the bottom of Hawthorne Boulevard and Palos Verdes Drive South. I became part of Save Our Coastline, which circulated petitions and created the city of Rancho Palos Verdes so we could stop the coastal development.”

As a result of her activism for the coastline and her research articles in the field of public health, James Hayes, Los Angeles Board Supervisor for the Fourth District, appointed her to the Los Angeles County Public Health Commission where she served for three years.

During the 40 plus years that Palmer taught college courses at Dominquez Hills, love was always on her mind. “Each class I taught,” she said, “made me realize that all of the diverse subfields in psychology said something about loving relationships.”

Three years ago, Palmer’s husband insisted they clear out their cluttered garage, and up popped the old draft of Love Demystified. If it hadn’t been for the messy garage, her book might not have resurfaced.

Palmer dusted off her first draft and spent more time researching current scientific material and revising. “The book,” she said, “is based on the latest scientific research. It’s a guide highlighting how people meet, fall in love, create love, fall out of love, and love again. It offers strategies for dealing with roadblocks in love relationships and details how to create love and make it last.”

Who would benefit from her book? According to Palmer, “anyone longing for love, starting to date, getting married, or wanting to fix a current relationship.”

The “love doctor” knows her stuff. The Palmers celebrated their 50th anniversary last June, and the psychologist credits their happy marriage to living the strategies from her book. And that’s not all; they work together, too. Richard Palmer, a psychiatrist, and Beverly, a psychologist, have shared a private practice in Torrance for the last thirty years.

The book is available in neighborhood stores, at Booklocker.com, and on other online sites.

It’s Finally Released!

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With Valentine’s Day approaching, here is the perfect gift for yourself or your loved one:

Love Demystified: Strategies for a Successful Love Life.

This guide uses cutting-edge psychological research to tell you how to find a new love, fix a current relationship, love again after a loss.  It gives you the tips and techniques you need to get through many difficult times in loving.

Available through the publisher (BookLocker.com/9605) or at all online and neighborhood booksellers.

Love Demystified Workbook

Workbook Cover

Love Demystified: Strategies for a Successful Love Life will be released this week and the links for where it can be purchased will be posted on this blog.  Meanwhile, you might want to check out Love Demystified Workbook: Questionnaires to Assess Your Love Life.  This workbook contains 11 of the questionnaires that are in the regular Love Demystified book.  You can find out which areas in your love life that you might want to strengthen.  Then you can purchase the regular Love Demystified book to learn how to strengthen these areas.  The Love Demystified Workbook can be purchased from Amazon as a print book: http://amzn.to/2lPqJRK.

Or you can get the workbook free as an eBook if you are an Amazon Prime member or $2.99 for non prime members http://amzn.to/2COL82Q.

 

Five Ways You Know You Have Found Your Soulmate

soulmates-and-life-partners

Basically, a soulmate is supportive and makes you feel comfortable.

  1. A soulmate listens to you deeply and you feel instantly understood. Being deeply listened to without the other person listening only for how they need to respond is a rarity in relationships.  Yet the other person acknowledging an understanding of the message you are sending makes you feel intimately connected to that person.
  2. A soulmate brings out the best in you and accepts you just the way you are. You feel like you can be totally open and honest with your soulmate because, no matter what you say, you will still be accepted as a person.
  3. When you are interacting with a soulmate you notice the similarities you share. You may have similar values, interests, goals.  Or you may have a subconscious connection.  Your soulmate may be similar to someone else who was important in your life who was also nurturing and accepting.  So you feel comfortable when with your soulmate.
  4. Your soulmate has your back. It is the two of you against the world—well, maybe just against a common foe or issue.  You feel supported in your struggles.
  5. A soulmate feels like that is your missing piece; you feel completed when you are with your soulmate.

Feeling understood and completed with your soulmate does have its downside.  You may feel you are incomplete without your soulmate and not able to function as well without that person.  You may start yearning for the next time the two of you will be together.  Or you may anxiously await the next text message.

You may begin to depend on your soulmate to meet your needs—your need for appreciation, for self-esteem, for comradeship.  If either you or your soulmate changes in terms of these needs, you can feel lost, not needed, or not needing.

 

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