Each new year gives us a chance to be renewed. How about renewing your relationship?
One of the best ways to renew your relationship is to discover something new about your partner. Even if you have been with each other for decades you may not know your partner as well as you think you do.
Here’s how you start the discovery:
Set the stage for an intimate conversation. You could take a walk together. Walking can create an opportunity to talk more easily (yes, even for that person who often does not disclose feelings). Or you could have a candlelit dinner either at home or at a quiet restaurant. Or how about a picnic on a sunny warm day.
Ask your partner’s permission to share some thoughts and feelings. Sometimes your partner just may not be in the mood to share. Or your partner might anticipate that the sharing will not be met with a positive response.
Start off with a fun, not so revealing question such as, “If you were to go to your favorite place in your mind, where would that be? Describe everything you see, hear, smell, and feel when you are in that favorite place.” Not only will this query give you information you may not have previously known about your partner, but it also can be something your partner can use to relax or distract when there is tension or pain.
More revealing questions ask about struggles, hopes, disappointments, and accomplishments. Again, you might discover something you didn’t know about your partner’s innermost thoughts and your partner might even access something that they didn’t know about their self.
Give an empathic response to each sentence your partner shares. An empathic response is a summary of the main points of your partner’s answer. This response reassures your partner that you really listened and that you are viewing the world through their eyes, without judgment. It also encourages your partner to say even more. And your partner is met with a positive response.
Now it can be your partner’s time to use these steps to discover more about you.
Basically, a soulmate is supportive and makes you feel comfortable.
A soulmate listens to you deeply and you feel instantly understood. Being deeply listened to without the other person listening only for how they need to respond is a rarity in relationships. Yet the other person acknowledging an understanding of the message you are sending makes you feel intimately connected to that person.
A soulmate brings out the best in you and accepts you just the way you are. You feel like you can be totally open and honest with your soulmate because, no matter what you say, you will still be accepted as a person.
When you are interacting with a soulmate you notice the similarities you share. You may have similar values, interests, goals. Or you may have a subconscious connection. Your soulmate may be similar to someone else who was important in your life who was also nurturing and accepting. So you feel comfortable when with your soulmate.
Your soulmate has your back. It is the two of you against the world—well, maybe just against a common foe or issue. You feel supported in your struggles.
A soulmate feels like that is your missing piece; you feel completed when you are with your soulmate.
Feeling understood and completed with your soulmate does have its downside. You may feel you are incomplete without your soulmate and not able to function as well without that person. You may start yearning for the next time the two of you will be together. Or you may anxiously await the next text message.
You may begin to depend on your soulmate to meet your needs—your need for appreciation, for self-esteem, for comradeship. If either you or your soulmate changes in terms of these needs, you can feel lost, not needed, or not needing.